My Current Situation -PERSONAL AND LONG-

Hello, been a while since I completely updated here.

I was preparing for this journal because what I'm about to say is very
personal and I feel I need to make it known to those who follow me.



But first, the non-important stuff:


The last few weeks, I've been to two conventions in LA.



COMIKAZE EXPO


Comikaze was pretty fun for them being their inaugural year. I'm
surprised they were able to convert a parking lot in the LA Convention
Center to the whole Comikaze event since the upstairs was mainly used
for Anime Expo. The con was fun and I had a blast hanging with my only
friend there: and her friends.  



Here are some pics:

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PACIFIC MEDIA EXPO 2011

PMX was fun too. I would have preferred Pasadena like 2010, but the
hotel was a lot bigger and nicer so I guess this is ok. I was there all
three days working as staff for the con, checking badges, running around
advertising concerts and food trucks and enjoying the cosplay.

It was
really great seeing friends there too even if I was workin'. The work
too was very fun and I enjoyed it. PMX was great. I don't know if I'll
attend Anime LA, probably not, but next year maybe.  :3



Pictures:
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I WON'T be attending any cons in the near future, given my current
situation except for small gatherings around LA like the Anime Expo
meets or BroniesLA meetups.

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My Personal life

Alright this brings me to the meat of what I wanted to talk about. These
last few months have been downright aggravating, stressful, and
annoying for me. What's been going on in my personal life has affected
me in my art and activity online now.

What's been happening with me was that me and my family moved to our new
house over a year ago and things were fine, however another member of
our family wanted to be a bitch about the house and through months of
legal bullcrap and courts, our house was ruled to be sold, so now we
have to move AGAIN! And it's very soon too.

In short, I will eventually have to disappear and begin the moving transition AGAIN!

Unfortunately, it's not easy this time around because we have to find a new house ASAP.

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Stress


Ooooh but it doesn't end there.


The pain, stress and anguish this stupid bitch has caused me and my
family really fucked me over. Also along with this, most know that I've
been searching and trying to find a job.

The pressure starts hitting me hard of trying to get a job so I can help out my family in the moving
process, but nothing ever comes up. I turn into a total worry-fuck and then GET HOSPITALIZED because of it.

I finally calm down and try not to
worry as I've been doing but it doesn't change the fact that I need
work. I'm alright now though for the most part, but keep reading.

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Art

While all this was going on, the stress started hitting me in my art. When I was drawing, my current situation didn't make it any better. The moment of doing pictures feeling like I've improved because I was going over tutorials and learning new things, but after a good number of critiques, I've come to the conclusion that I've learned nothing at all. Which drew me to this.


I frankly HATE my art.


Seriously as I look at each picture it starts looking all the same to me. Alot of this coming anatomically-wise with the characters I notice all the same things done in each picture and for some reason I can't figure out why I keep making the same mistakes. Every picture so far keeps reminding me what I keep doing wrong and frankly I'm just disgusted with all the character art I've been doing and I HATE it. My art right now fucking disgusts and annoys the shit out of me. Not only that but I refuse to call what I'm doing right now my own style because I don't want it to look like this.


I KNOW I'm better than this, and I KNOW I'm capable of doing a LOT better. I've had over 17 years experience drawing EVERYTHING and yet I'm in a rut and can't figure out what's been my problem working out these anatomical mistakes......


THEN I FIGURED IT OUT:-


This tutorial blew me away and it started coming together:

 
My problem was more of the fact that I keep THINKING too much when drawing. Overthinking was caused by the left side of the brain, when artists draw with their RIGHT side of the brain. I've been doing my best trying not to over-think things cause that totally kills the drawing 'mojo' if you will.

And I believe It's helped me twofold:

  


I know it's not a fluke because I know I can draw from these examples EASILY and why I'm not able to illustrate them digitally has been a huge problem. All of these were NOT traced and I drew them all on a whim and subconsciously.


Referencing this image:
 

I drew it normally:



Then trying not to think, I followed the tutorial mentioned above and got this after flipping t over and covering part of it:



And for lulz:


But anyways, over the years I'd submit to this gallery and do fanart nonstop without thinking. Quantity, but now after going through all this I feel like my art now has no substance to it, so I'm reaching out and trying to do whatever I can to feel confident again and make art that I'd be proud of.

Another helpful tutorial was this:


Trying to figure out what the hell kind of style I have. Haven't found or developed a style to my liking which is why I've come to this announcement:

-


I feel no confidence or happiness drawing as I am now and I see no reason to carry on any projects until I go back to basics and work on a LOT of things in terms of drawing.

I AM PUTTING ALL OF MY PROJECTS ON A LONG TERM HIATUS AND FOCUS SOLELY ON DRAWING FOR ME.


The following will be put aside on hiatus:

- HIGH SCHOOL HAVOC WEBCOMIC (SERIES WILL BE PUT ON HIATUS AFTER COMIC 46)
- GOLDEN SUN GENERATIONS: AFTERMATH THE FOUR SEALS WEBCOMIC
- GOLDEN SUN GENERATIONS: COLOSSO REVENGE GAMES WEBCOMIC

I also want to better market myself for these, but to be honest as much as I love all the feedback from the few readers I do have for these three comics and I love you all, I have to put these on the side for a year if not longer because of the way I draw now. I feel I can get away with this now instead of later, since the reader base for these comics are so few and small, and I apologize.

I really want to continue these stories and the webcomic fire in me to tell them still burns strong but I want to sharpen my own skills first before jumping in again on webcomics and not learning anything at all.


FOR THOSE WONDERING, NO MY GALLERY WILL CONTINUE WITH MY LITTLE PONY ART AND COMICS.

Doing MLP art and nothing serious has actually been a personal pleasure for me because my humor and entertaining everyone has really made me happy these past few months. Exactly like how I wanted to do comics for the Xenosaga fandom my early years here on DA. I felt the same making everyone laugh with my demented humor, and I feel that way now with My Little Pony, friendship is magic.



But I must remind people that eventually I'll need to leave for moving to a new house so internet will be a problem. I will be cut off from everyone here very soon, but until that moment comes, I want to continue doing MLP art. I want to publicly let people know that I'm putting aside my comic projects until I feel more confident in my abilities as an artist.

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For those who want some practice. I STRONGLY recommend going here and doing this every day:

www.posemaniacs.com/thirtyseco…

This is what I'll be working on, my own figure drawing and pose and it's VERY helpful. I've already started doing this.

Oh and check out these tutorials from:

artistshospital.deviantart.com…


I'll end this here and say thanks for all the support. I wanted to get all this out before I need to disappear for awhile. I don't know when I'll come back, but I personally need the time off to collect my thoughts and get back to focus solely on improving as an artist as well as remove the stresses' off my life and get a job.

- /